This might well seem an odd thing to say but a lot of parents do not appreciate how essential it is to teach children that dating and sex are not one and the same. Sad though it is all too many teenagers just presume that sex is a normal part of dating and a quick look at television and magazines aimed at teenagers shows why this is so. Do not just assume that your teenage children know the difference between dating and sex and see that you clearly communicate this message to them.
Try to teach your children the distinction between dating and sex from an early age and reinforce this message from time to time. In particular, help your children to appreciate that dating means getting to know other people emotionally and not simply physically.
Teenage children will frequently have a 'one track mind' and you will have to recommend other things for them to do on a date rather than just focusing their attention on having sex. This may seem silly but you would be astounded at how often teenagers turn to sex as an option just out of boredom and cannot think of anything else to do with their time. So, as odd as it may seem you really will have to suggest things that your teenage children can do on a date to enjoy themselves. If you can get them to keep busy enough then they will probably end up having to say no less frequently.
A lot of parents instruct their teenage children on how to say no to sex and come up with a lengthy list of excuses or remarks. The is fair enough but a retort only tends to work once and merely brushing off the idea with a retort is simply putting the question off and leaving the door open for the idea to come up time and again. The answer is to instruct your child to simply say no clearly and sternly and that, though they may want to give reasons, they do not need to do so and just saying no is sufficient.
If you find yourself in the position where your teenager has already experienced sex then you may believe that it is too late to teach them to say no. Nothing could be farther from the truth. A lot of teenagers think that once they have had sex once they cannot really refuse to do so again. The fact that they have experimented with sex however does not mean that this issue can simply be 'crossed off' their list of hurdles and you need to let them know that they can say no to sex if they feel ill at ease. You should also discuss with them the fact that having sex should always be something of significance and special and that a great deal myth surrounds the significance of their initial sexual encounter.
While you are talking about the importance of building relationships that are based upon much more than just sex, it is also vital to combine this with teaching your teens about safe sex. No matter how much you might want to do so you cannot always stop your teenagers from having sex. However, you can provide yourself with some peace of mind by trying to see that your children remain safe, even if they do not avail themselves of your advice to stand stand their ground and make sound choices.
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